Current:Home > Finance'The ick' is all over TikTok. It may be ruining your chance at love. -AssetTrainer
'The ick' is all over TikTok. It may be ruining your chance at love.
View
Date:2025-04-14 11:01:50
If you've been on TikTok at all during the past year, odds are you've heard of the dreaded "ick." Heck, you might have even felt it yourself while on a date.
The ick is a Gen-Zism used to describe the feeling of becoming suddenly (and, usually, irreversibly) repulsed by someone you once found attractive. Did you swoon during your dinner date, only for the chemistry to vanish once your partner pulled out his velcro wallet? You got the ick.
But be warned: Experts say that, if you succumb to this idea of the ick too easily or use it to rule out potential partners too fast, it may be a sign something's wrong with the way you feel about relationships.
Logan Ury, the director of relationship science at the dating app Hinge and author of the book "How to Not Die Alone," says this viral concept, when taken too far, is often just an excuse to sabotage one's chances at finding love.
"The ick is the cringe feeling that you get when a date does something small that suddenly turns you off," Ury says. "Icks are hilarious for obvious reasons, but they belong in a comedy show and not in a dating manual, and you shouldn't reject a potential relationship over a silly moment like this."
More:Relationship experts say these common dating 'rules' are actually ruining your love life
What your icks say about you
Sometimes the ick points to a deeper issue in the person experiencing it. For instance, if someone has an avoidant attachment style, they may use the ick as an excuse to not get close to someone.
Ury says people with avoidant attachments styles put up walls between themselves and their romantic partners out of fear of one day being abandoned or hurt by them. They do this, she says, by using "deactivating strategies," like the ick, in order to make themselves feel less connected to the person they're dating.
"They often create these reasons to separate themselves from someone," she says. " 'Oh, I don't want to get close to someone because I actually feel like ultimately I won't be able to trust them or they'll abandon me, so let me not get close at all.' "
Sara Nasserzadeh, a social psychologist and author of the book "Love by Design: 6 Ingredients to Build a Lifetime of Love," coming Feb. 6, says avoidant-attached people invent reasons to convince themselves why a relationship isn't right, even when it's going well. This is why, she says, it's crucial to work on any fear of intimacy you may have, so you don't sabotage healthy relationships.
Suddenly repulsed by your partner?You may have gotten 'the ick.' Here's what that means.
The difference between an ick and a deal-breaker
Ury and Nasserzadeh say it's important to know the difference between a superficial ick and a legitimate deal-breaker.
Any person you date is going to have quirks. Some of these quirks may turn into pet peeves or icks. But these alone are not valid reasons for ruling someone out, Nasserzadeh says.
What's different from an ick, however, is when someone does something that violates your boundaries or values.
"Is this really just a quirk? Is it a pet peeve for me, or is it actually a sensitivity?" she says. "If you cross the line, call it off."
Are you dating a narcissist?Watch out for these red flags.
Ury says some icks may also be legitimate red flags if they deal with compatibility. For instance, smoking cigarettes may be more than just an ick for some.
Disagreements about values, such as what religion you'd like to raise your kids, also fall into the deal-breaker category, she says.
But if all your date did was botch a dance move, you should probably push your ick to the side.
"Give each promising relationship a fair shot and don't hit the eject button early over a ridiculous minor detail," she says. "We often think that we know what we want, but we're wrong, and we eliminate very strong potential candidates for reasons that don't matter that much."
Psychopaths are everywhere.Are you dating one? Watch out for these red flags.
veryGood! (8612)
Related
- Newly elected West Virginia lawmaker arrested and accused of making terroristic threats
- Groups seek a new hearing on a Mississippi mail-in ballot lawsuit
- 2 dead in explosion at Kentucky factory that also damaged surrounding neighborhood
- Bev Priestman fired as Canada women’s soccer coach after review of Olympic drone scandal
- South Korea's acting president moves to reassure allies, calm markets after Yoon impeachment
- ‘Maybe Happy Ending’ review: Darren Criss shines in one of the best musicals in years
- Dallas Long, who won 2 Olympic medals while dominating the shot put in the 1960s, has died at 84
- Texas mother sentenced to 50 years for leaving kids in dire conditions as son’s body decomposed
- Chuck Scarborough signs off: Hoda Kotb, Al Roker tribute legendary New York anchor
- The Best Gifts for People Who Don’t Want Anything
Ranking
- The Super Bowl could end in a 'three
- Armie Hammer Says His Mom Gifted Him a Vasectomy for His 38th Birthday
- Britney Spears reunites with son Jayden, 18, after kids moved in with dad Kevin Federline
- What happens to Donald Trump’s criminal conviction? Here are a few ways it could go
- Opinion: Gianni Infantino, FIFA sell souls and 2034 World Cup for Saudi Arabia's billions
- Charles Hanover: Caution, Bitcoin May Be Entering a Downward Trend!
- College Football Playoff bracket: Complete playoff picture after latest rankings
- Britney Spears reunites with son Jayden, 18, after kids moved in with dad Kevin Federline
Recommendation
'Squid Game' without subtitles? Duolingo, Netflix encourage fans to learn Korean
Jennifer Garner Details Navigating Grief 7 Months After Death of Her Dad William Garner
Who will be in the top 12? Our College Football Playoff ranking projection
Opinion: Chris Wallace leaves CNN to go 'where the action' is. Why it matters
Selena Gomez's "Weird Uncles" Steve Martin and Martin Short React to Her Engagement
'Yellowstone' premiere: Record ratings, Rip's ride and Billy Klapper's tribute
Father, 5 children hurt in propane tank explosion while getting toys: 'Devastating accident'
FC Cincinnati player Marco Angulo dies at 22 after injuries from October crash